how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
