she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Still dying that you shit outside
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
