i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
