you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
