saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am naked and annoyed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
