I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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