a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
