Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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