There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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