So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
