sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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