I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
