feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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