I puked a lego.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
