my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm too high and old for this...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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