Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
