I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
