I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize