ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
