What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
