He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
