I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
