We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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