I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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