I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
