hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
