Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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