Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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