She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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