Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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