I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
