She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
