forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
