I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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