I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
