she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
