Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
