eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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