Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
