I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
