I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
