thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
