Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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