I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
