I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
