Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're too hungover to prance.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
