I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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