i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
