I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You took a bar mat shot.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
