My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
