ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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