I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
