i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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