did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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