he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
