I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
