I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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