By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
