My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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