Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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