so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
