What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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