you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
