I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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