I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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