dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
