Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
