are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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