that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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