She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
