escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
