I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
