is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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