I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize