you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
