Don't make out with my wife yet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
