i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
