New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So here I am, sexting at work.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
