I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
