he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just pee around me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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