I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
