He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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