can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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