dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
