Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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