My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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