So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
