6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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