Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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