I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
