I have demons in me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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