M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
