we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
