Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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