It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
