Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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