awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
