too bad you live with your parents still
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize