he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
