I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
