you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
