come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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