I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
