She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
