A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
